Bounded Reality

I love my life right now.  In this moment. Moon shining above. The heart knows not one direction,  but only to point with love.  This place could never be predicted.  This path, known ahead. When you look at things differently - not with haste, judgment or disregard - you start to see all “things” more bold, vibrant and alive.  You begin to see yourself, in all that surrounds you. All that is, your reality. So I ask - what surrounds you? What emotions drive your direction?
What demons provoke within? Does anger wait silently,  on the other side of the door? Or fear sit heavy,  while life feels of a constant storm?  Are we happy? Or have we lost the meaning,  in the chase for meaning.  I love everything about my adorable life.  The character on the walls.  The scents in the air. The colors, shapes and textures.  Everything holds value,  everything serves purpose.  Companion at side,  like always meant to be. I praise you, self. The one who whispered to scream. 

Happy Birthday to ME

It's been a bit of time.
Today is my birthday, so I'll type if I want to.
Type if I want to.
Type if I want to.
You would type too if it happened to you.
(60's song reference, I ca't take credit)

This whole negative and positive energy stuff has me really thinking.
And really, it kind of has me on a real-time research study of myself.

Not just energy that is transferred from person to person, person to animal, animal to person, person to nature, nature back to people. Like the rotation of the earth. The cycle that is water and oxygen, and all forms of life.

The smallest most prehistoric animal known is essentially a small fish. Even this "being" had a brain-stem which connected to it's spine. Just like me and you. This little stem lies at the center of the very complex, large muscle that is the brain. It has many functions that serve as the foundation of life such as heart rate and breath, the ability to eat, and the ability to sleep. It also controls pai…

Black Dog

I can not connect.
And it is painful when I do.

I know I need to be present, to feel.
But I dislike it.
This type of presence.

We can not control nature,
despite how much we effort-less.
I am here in my body, I am home.
I am here in my body, I am alive.
I am awake.

And it feels so painful.
When do we stop trying to play God,
and let God, nature, take course.

Stop masking and medicating.


She taught me how to love again.
Never gave up on me,
and now I feel like I am giving up on her.

We spend so much time trying to fix things we can not.
Things we were not meant to.
Who gave us this job?
Why do we desire so much power and responsibility,
if for not to better the outcome.

Like her, I go to nature and all of its green beauty.
Even if some call it dangerous,
at least it doesn't come with a long, bold warning of harm to the good health you still have left.
But then again, nature doesn't make money on its own.
Nor does it…

Life Worth vs. Net Worth

Exit 13

Life is finally worth living.

After so many years, I got my life back.
And as an outsider, watching from the distance, I was able to see it all as clear as the ocean waves that hit my feet.

It’s been three years since that day.
The day that I told myself I served no purpose to the world, to my family, and to myself.
And with no purpose, but a heart full of pain, I didn’t really see the point in trying anymore.
I gave up on myself.

I was checked out mentally and as a result, trying to check out physically.

There was not one piece of me that felt like this world wanted it around.
No matter what the evidence showed me to support otherwise, I didn’t believe I deserved life.
In brief moments when I did feel to be “part of the world”, I would remove myself as quickly as possible.
The discomfort of happiness, the fear of losing it, the belief that it was real, and for me, was too much.
I shut down. I ran.
As if discovering a bridge to a beautiful unknown land, to only break it down in att…


Are we ready yet?

Or are we going to continue living in denial and avoid it because it makes us uncomfortable?

Time and time again, people tell me “Maria, you care too much” or “don’t put so much energy into things you can’t change”. And I get. Really, I do.

But then there is the other half of me that says, “I’m cool, I’ll keep caring”. I mean someone has to make up for the ass holes out there who don’t. Plus, if people didn’t “care too much” about me, I wouldn’t have words to speak.

So, yea, I am a wee bit keyed up this morning. Fasten your seat-belts.

Finally, back to work after 11 days on the mend post unexpected stomach surgery. Still have internal sutures in three places, but moving forward as much as normal until my body tells me otherwise. No this is not a complaint, this is a victory cry.

Stay in good spirits.  Meditate.  Relax.  Blah Blah. 
Did it.  Like I legitimately kicked ass at “taking it easy”. 
11 days for me is like a year to a dog. I still can’t exercise, which Go…

Early Detection - MILLENNIAL to MARTYR in 1-DAY!

READ this blog entry and you will become the very first MILLENNIAL to MARTYR in 1-DAY!
Say that again - ONE day!
A deal so go(o)d you couldn't walk away from.
...especially if you're an Iraq or Iran vet who lost their legs in battle, can't walk and now suffers from PTSD but is stigmatized by society so will eventually commit suicide next to the kid in North Philly who has no future and should just walk to prison now...

*Sale last today Only. Taxes do not include reminiscing thoughts of "life-as-we-know-it" mindfulness. CA and CO, need not apply. Consciousness limited in some states. Anyone who was of moderate cultural or human-rights related impact, that suspiciously died or got killed, you get it for FREE. 

Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too unexpected, abrupt or rash for you?

What if I also said - no, I'm not a born again virgin.
Mother Maria! Momma Mia
...i could eat some pasta.

Oh, nor am I going to kill myself.
And yes, my family can rest assured…