Black Dog

I can not connect.
And it is painful when I do.

I know I need to be present, to feel.
But I dislike it.
This type of presence.

We can not control nature,
despite how much we effort-less.
I am here in my body, I am home.
I am here in my body, I am alive.
I am awake.

And it feels so painful.
When do we stop trying to play God,
and let God, nature, take course.

Stop masking and medicating.













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She taught me how to love again.
Never gave up on me,
and now I feel like I am giving up on her.

We spend so much time trying to fix things we can not.
Things we were not meant to.
Who gave us this job?
Why do we desire so much power and responsibility,
if for not to better the outcome.

Like her, I go to nature and all of its green beauty.
Even if some call it dangerous,
at least it doesn't come with a long, bold warning of harm to the good health you still have left.
But then again, nature doesn't make money on its own.
Nor does it exist if not fully invested.

That for me, is the point of believing in something other than yourself.
So that you are never alone.
And the more connected you are,
the more present faith can be, when you can't manage on your own.

But when do we stop trying to figure it all out?
I don't want to be responsible for taking a life not done living.
But I can't be the orchestrator of prolonging life, that's done living.

Humans are so good at making decisions when in their favor.
But how quickly we do not want the job,
when they are not.

Are we scared of facing the truth?
So instead, mask and worry over appearance.
Even though it brings us further apart.

Technology.
Wealth.
Social Status.
Sexual Preference.
Religion.
Health.
Genetics.

With all we do, we divide.

Everything we live for, is separating us.
It's killing mankind.
And these moments reminds us,
that all we need is, in fact, love.

Love is,
all you need.

And "imagining" that we could all live us one,
instead of separate,
isn't actually, a dream.
It's real.
And we are losing it.













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She taught me not to live in fear.
To not judge person by person.
But to love all instead.
To be in nature.
And not just for convenience or out of chance,
but to find instincts instead.
To give hand when someone is down.
To show unconditional empathy,
never hold grudges,
and always, always show compassion.
No matter how badly a human behaves.













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We are so worried about "bad dogs", "dangerous breeds", "tempers" and the safety of others when in their presence.
But maybe it's us, the real animal.
Should we not be more afraid of what we can do to each other?
Instead of them to us?

Animals have, and will survive without us.
But can we survive without them?













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Is this it?
"Full circle".

When my life was put on hold.
When I stopped living.
Did she arrive there to keep me alive?
Was she here to make sure I survived and found you?

Is her job now over?
Now that I have found life.

I would have never gotten through those nights.
The mornings.
The afternoons.

The weddings, babies, boyfriends.
The city, independence and exercise.
Court dates, funerals and surgeries.
Birth and abandonment of family.
Conversations with strangers, and meeting new friends.

She holds every memory for me.
She is, my shepherd.











..............................................................

Fly the dragonfly,
and give me your Change.
A deeper meaning to life,
Is all that you bring?

Land the red cardinal,
and sing me your song.
Gain my attention.
Tell me what message you have,
and connect me home.











..............................................................

We don't fully connect until we are present.
Presence is real.
And when in it, we may be faced with unwanted truths.
Truths that we do not want to accept.
So we escape.
We distance rather than unite.
We manage with individualized vices - like alcohol, chemically manufactured drugs, sex, gambling, and worst, competing.
And collectively, we are doing this as a society.

Maybe I am so disgusted with all of my dogs medicine because it reminds me of all the drugs doctors have given me.
The ones that nearly killed me.
All of which were prescribed.
Yet here I am without them, present, and finally alive.

Praying to God, asking not to play his role.
To use the medicine and keep her by the side longer.
Or remove them entirely, and let her go.

Medicate - it used to supply my paycheck.
And now I, and soon my dog, will both be in dept to it.

Being mindful and present in this moment,
is only done with vivid sobriety.
Feeling the pain of love, and loss.
Rather than running from it.

You know why we are afraid to tell the truth?
Because it forces us to be liable.

Well, here is my truth...

My dog is my best friend.
Anything that cost money kills us.
Meditation is the only thing to save us.
And Panera should not be smaller than the state liquor store.

God is real.
And we've created our own Satan, in what is now the hell we deserve.

America,
"Land of the people who destroy themselves and anyone who gets in the way of saving it."
Dead presidents, musicians, artists, intellects, public figures and spiritual connectors.
Need I say more?

How is suicide today, any different than the death Jesus brought upon himself years ago?
We call asking for life to end "selfish", yet we continue to act as if we want it.

Now only if every human with anxiety, depression or PTSD had a German Shepherd, a Spiritual Shepherd and mother nature's medicine.

Maybe then, we would all meditate more.
Speak openly more.
Welcome emotions more.
Be present to life more.
Instead of always trying to escape it.



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